“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”– Lao Tzu

At 24 years of age I was awakened to find myself at a wretched and disgusting place in my life. The previous four years I had been working in a soul crushing job because I lacked the willpower and motivation to go out and find something new that I actually enjoyed. I was your typical cubical dwelling rat in the race of life. I hated my life so much because I didn’t have any real hobbies outside of work other than drinking myself stupid while playing Xbox games. I was eating nothing but greasy fast food like McDonald’s burgers and fries. I’ve never worked out my entire adult life. At my fattest I was 265 pounds and I was kind of amused, yet at the same time depressed that I weighed the maximum allowable weigh-in weight for the heaviest division in the UFC.

The UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship) has always held a special place in my heart since I was a kid. My dad rented the old VHS tapes of events and we would spend entire weekends watching grown men beat the absolute shit out of each other. The beginning years of the UFC were basically an Americanized version of Brazilian Vale Tudo (anything goes) fights, aired on pay-per-view for the world to enjoy. There were no weight limits, minimal rules, and the best martial artists across the globe were invited to fight each other in a single-night, eight-man tournament for a prize of $50,000 to see who had the most dominant and effective fighting style in the world. This was orchestrated and created by the now famous Gracie clan, the creators of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. They wanted to show the world that they believed they were the most effective martial arts system. To accomplish this goal they had the smallest member of their family, Royce Gracie, fight in the tournament. They wanted to show that you didn’t have to be some muscled up tough guy to be effective with the techniques they taught. Royce defeated all of his opponents that evening controlling them with BJJ and finishing two of the three with a Rear Naked Choke in less than two minutes. This was a showcase for Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu the world over. People were stunned that such a small man was able to control and dominate opponents much larger than him.

Many years had passed since I had watched those old VHS tapes of the early UFC fights when I walked into a bar at the age of 21. On all of the television sets they were playing a live PPV broadcast of the same UFC. I was actually shocked that the organization still existed, remembering growing up reading about how so many states and governments were trying to ban the sport. I grabbed a beer, sat down with a friend, and was instantly taken in by the action. This modern day version of the UFC was FAR different from the VHS tapes I had watched as a child. No longer was it just random sized guys fighting against each other. There were weight classes, more standardized rules, and a referee that actually had the power to stop the fight. As the night went on and the beer kept flowing I found myself cheering with the crowd of people just watching these fights on television. From that night on I found myself a Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) super fan. I read up on every single top 10 fighter in each division, I went through video archives on the Internet of old fights and absorbed every single second I could. Every weekend before a fight I would blow up Facebook inviting all of my friends to join me at a local bar to watch the fights with me. When I first met my friend Doctor Illusion he would buy the fights so we could save money on beer and food and just watch them at his house. They were some wonderful times.

Shortly after getting into watching MMA I discovered the comedian and UFC commentator Joe Rogan’s podcast, The Joe Rogan Experience. Joe offered an insight and more in-depth analysis into the world that I had become absolutely in love with. One of the things he talked about that really caught my interest was Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. I knew of the martial art because of flashbacks of the first UFC tapes I had watched with Royce Gracie, as well as it being commentated on during modern MMA fights. In the modern fights the grappling was (what seemed at the time) the boring stuff that happened when the fighters hit the ground and tried to work for submissions, the kind of thing that usually got booed at live events. I was intrigued because it was a way to defend yourself and there was no getting punched in the face, something I was happy to hear. I looked up local BJJ gyms and was really wanting to check it out, but I told myself I didn’t have the time or the money because of my job’s scheduling. Excuses.

As detailed in previous posts on this blog, Doctor Illusion introduced me to mushrooms and they have had a profound effect on my life and the outlook thereof. They showed me the patterns of thinking I had been stuck in for years, truly “outside of the box” moments of clarity. This pattern was well worn in my brain like a path through the woods that had been traveled over and over and over again that prevented anything new from being grown upon it. After a few trips I realized I could do better, I could step off of this rotten path that was doing me nothing but causing pain and anguish. Albert Einstein is credited (but widely debated) as defining insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So I can say with certainty that mushrooms cured me of my insanity and brought me to reality. I hated the job I was at, so I started to shoot my resume to every tech job I could find and one company finally hired me. After I got out of that horrible job I told myself I was actually going to attempt the things I wanted to do like BJJ, so I e-mailed the owner and instructor of the local BJJ gym. I wrote him on a Monday afternoon and he told me, to my surprise, to show up the next day in a t-shirt and shorts. I say to my surprise because I had expected him to tell me to show up next week or maybe the following weekend. Subconsciously I knew there was a part of me deep down that would have allowed myself to back out and not go if the instructor hadn’t said to show up the next day. I would have over thought it, letting the fear of the unknown scare me out of just trying. I took a deep breath, replied to his message and told him I would be there. A 100% affirmative I would make it, no “maybe” or “might” in the reply. That was it, I was locking in with my words that I would have to hold myself accountable if I didn’t perform the task. Something I honestly had never really done for something that mattered before in my adult life. I had a goal to show up to this gym and try this martial art out.

I showed up to the gym the next day 30 minutes before class and sat outside in my car in absolute fear. I was terrified of what laid beyond the tinted windows to the school. A strange group of guys that I did not know, all practicing and learning something I had absolutely zero clue about other than the MMA fights I had watched on TV. Deep down inside of myself I heard a voice telling me “You can just put your car in gear and drive away. You don’t have to face the dragon and demons that are behind that door!” but I took a deep breath, stepped out of my car and walked into the gym with a pair of swimming shorts and a black t-shirt. It was a pair of swim shorts because I owned nothing but blue jeans due to being a fat fuck that was terrified of anyone in public seeing my skin. I chatted with the instructor for a few minutes and then was introduced to a few of the guys of the school. To my relief, everyone was friendlier than I could have imagined. They all shook my hand with a smile and said they were glad I had come to check them out. We started the warm up stretches which were basically yoga poses. I strained for a majority of them since I had not done any kind of physical activity for more than 6 years and was just not used to using my body in any real capacity. We were then shown a few techniques by the instructor and paired up with another student to practice the moves. I constantly apologized to my partner that I had no clue what I was doing and felt really ridiculous, but they assured me that it was totally normal. After the 45 minutes or so of drilling techniques the class was bowed out. PHEW! I made it to the end of the class without quitting and was pretty proud of myself. The instructor then turned on a timer on the wall, set it for 5 minutes and proclaims “pair up with your partner and let’s roll!”…what what? What’s this about? The guy I was drilling techniques with grabs me and tells me now we’re going to actually live spar. Oh boy. We both crouch down to our knees, the timer beeps and my partner plants me on my back and starts putting all of his weight onto my chest. I made some very loud noises and grunts as he moved for position that nobody else in the entire gym was making. I felt like my chest was going to just collapse from the weight being placed on it. My partner climbs on top of me and I try to push his weight off of me, so he wraps my arm up, fall back with it between his legs, then slowly lifts his hips onto my elbow and I tap out. Holy shit, that was fucking awesome. I knew that he had absolute control of my body and my arm could have snapped like a twig from the pressure. The round ended after a few more times of me making grunting noises and tapping out from either being arm locked or being choked. I was drenched in sweat, I could barely breathe, and to top it off I had a different guy standing in front of me asking me if I wanted to roll. “Yeah sure”. Beeep. “UUUNNNGGGH”

I knew 100% after that first day I wanted this in my life…so I kept coming back. I kept getting my ass kicked. I read on the internet all day at work about how to get better and the best advice I found from higher ranked guys was to keep showing up. There is no one technique or movement that will make your life easier than continually showing up. Remember to breathe, slow down, to not to hulk out and try to muscle guys who know what they are doing. There were a few times in the first couple of months where I was so exhausted from class that I could barely drive my car home…hell, once or twice I cried like a bitch because my body hurt so much. With that pain, that voice deep inside me would flare up and say “You could just stop showing up. You could end this pain and be way more comfortable just sitting at the house”…but I pushed through, I’d show up the next day and roll some more. After about 6 months some new guys would show up and I could just mop the floor with them. I would tap them out at will or have enough control to where they could only move where I wanted them to. Then the round would end, a blue or purple belt would slap hands with me and dominate the little bit of ego I was building back into the ground. Stay humble.

I’ve been training Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu for over two years now. I have made some of the closest friends I’ve ever had and truly felt apart of a tribe. Also In that time I made small changes to my diet such as cutting out soda and most fast food. I trained at least 4 days a week. I dropped from 265 pounds to 220 pounds.For the first time in my adult life when I ran into people I hadn’t seen in a long time I was complimented on how great I looked instead of the usual “holy shit man you’ve gotten fat!” like I had grown accustomed to after high school. My self-confidence has multiplied a countless number of times. I recently started an actual diet to lose more weight and have since lost another 10 pounds. Success breeds success. Around a year and a half into training I achieved the rank of blue belt. The day I received my promotion I had at least three guys come up to me and tell me they pegged me to quit after my first week and were proud I stuck it out. One slapped me on the back and laughed about how I was the guy that would squeal like a kid anytime pressure was placed on me my first month and to look at me now. I can say without any hesitation this was one of the proudest moments of my life. I put in so much time and effort, took so much bodily punishment, all because it is an absolute passion to fight. It makes me feel alive every time I step onto the mats and I will continue to do this until the day that I die.

Here’s some before and after pics of myself to show what just showing up to BJJ did for me.


Thanks for reading.

*edit – I’m getting feedback from a few people that they are considering joining BJJ after reading this…if you have any questions please feel free to hit me up on Twitter @warriors_zen and I will be glad to help and answer questions.

Good Evening, gentlemen.

As you all know, in this corner of the “dark underbelly of the internet” at least, we despise two things. White knights and sluts. Sluts are good for a one night stand, but you would never marry one or consider one for a long term relationship of any kind.

As the title of this post suggests, I will be discussing Holly Fisher @hollyrfisher . For those of you who aren’t aware of who she is, just Google the name. Once upon a time, AKA last summer, Holly Fisher found fame by taking “selfies” of herself, or having pictures taken of her, doing things that would upset liberals. The picture that brought her into the spotlight was one of her wearing a “pro-life” shirt, while drinking from a “Chick-Fil-A” cup, standing in front of a Hobby Lobby store.

For those of you who aren’t aware, Hobby Lobby made the news last year by not paying for a dozen or so types of birth control for their female employees. As a Christian company, they refused to pay for any contraceptive that may actually cause an abortion. The liberals responded by accusing the chain of “denying women access to birth control.”

That is neither here nor there. If you aren’t sure why a picture of this woman wearing a pro-life shirt in front of Hobby Lobby offended the idiot liberals, do your own homework. This picture garnered her national attention and the nickname “Hobby Lobby Holly.”

Holly Fisher became “social media famous” in short order. Soon afterwards, several news outlets ran stories about her and she started doing interviews. Why was she so popular, particularly with the conservative Right wing? Because she was a decently attractive female, of course. But more importantly, because she took pictures with guns in front of American flags, while bragging about being the wife of a combat veteran. She bragged constantly about being a military wife and conservative, Christian mother.

How do I know this? Because I followed her on Twitter and thought she was a pretty cool chick who agreed with me politically and religiously. Boy, was I in for a surprise.

Once she became the popular, social media sweetheart of the Right, she decided that she could do better than her combat vet husband and started spreading her legs for men in the “right leaning” media. Yes, that’s correct, my friends. This woman who became semi-famous by being the wife of a combat vet and Christian mother….started whoring around like a common slut. She was traveling around, campaigning for the Conservative party by day, and slutting it up with men who were not her husband by night.

I called her out on this on Twitter, after @ChuckCJohnson exposed her.

Would you believe that HUNDREDS of “conservative” men started White Knighting for her? That “Conservative” men defended a slut who cheated on her combat vet husband as soon as the fame went to her head? One so-called “Christian Conservative” man even said to me “everyone cheats.”

Really? If you think everyone cheats, that is just your own guilty conscience talking. No true Conservative, much less a Christian, should support a slut who cheats on her combat vet husband. Go to the VA and see how many soldiers are going to counseling because they came home from combat to find their wives had been cheating on them during their deployment. This is not OK. This is not normal. And this is not something any Conservative or Christian should accept.

No man who would defend a slut who cheated on a Soldier is a Conservative, nor any man I would want to call a friend. If you would defend a cheating wife, and claim that any attack on her is “sexism” or proof that men on the right “hate women” then…..I consider you a liberal and a leftist, thus an enemy of any true Patriot.

The thing that really shocked me was to see her own Husband defending her and proclaiming his love for her, after she had already admitted on Facebook that she was having an affair. Who wants to make a bet that if we had access to his computer, we would find cuckold porn? Perhaps cuckold porn of men watching their wives get screwed by black guys? I would be willing to make a wager.

Holly Fisher and David Fisher… Conservative Slut and Combat Cuckold. Just the role models we need for the Conservative Party.

By the way, the guy she spread her legs for on the campaign trail was Joel Frewa, an editor for the Tea Party News Network.

-Dr. Illusion

Good lord watch out, the police of America are out to kill all black men! Or are they? Another shooting, another round of riots after the Antonio Martin Shooting. The shooting caught on film, including Martin pulling a gun on the officer – http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/video/2014/dec/24/cctv-footage-antonio-martin-gun-police-missouri-video

Were Eric Gardner and Michael Brown victims of police brutality or just stupid criminals who got what they deserved?

James Bond gets to fuck a grandma instead of a college girl! Praise be to America, the progressive land where you too can work your ass off to have sex with crusty old hags.

One of Doctor Illusion’s coworker stops by to chat about the workforce of blue collar jobs

As well as – The fall of America to Progressivism and Socialism. Can this land be saved?

Find out on this episode of Illusion Radio with Doctor Illusion and McMurphy!

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I have been informed by my podcast host that iTunes has sent out an email saying they are delaying posting new episodes to their feeds for the next week or so. If the latest episode doesn’t show up on your iTunes feed just listen to it from this page. It should be back to normal soon.

Doctor Illusion and I sit down for another podcast, this time chatting about Officer Darren Wilson’s non-indictiment, the UN Arms Treaty, and getting off this rock known as Earth to ensure our species survival.

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I’ve been watching the growing “crisis” in Detroit for a while now. For those of you who aren’t following the story, here are the facts: The water department in Detroit has shut off water to thousands of people because they haven’t paid their bill. Now these people are trying to sue the city/water department/whoever to get their water restored and their bills forgiven.

Here’s the thing…. Some of these people owe over $10,000 in late bills. I don’t have a water bill, so I can’t comment on my average monthly charges, but when I did have a water bill it was usually around $60. Considering the staggering amount of money these individuals owe….they must have stopped paying their bills months or even years ago. And the water only got shut off now, after months and years of non-payment, because the city declared bankruptcy and is tightening the belt on expenses. YEARS of not paying the bill, and now they cry and point fingers because their service is suspended. I don’t know about you, dear readers, but if I forget to pay my bills (electricity, mobile) for 2 months, the service is suspended until I bloody well pay for it. These people should be grateful that they slipped through the cracks for as long as they did.

Now, on to the part I want to discuss, and put out there for debate.

These Detroit residents are now claiming that water is a “human right” that should be provided for free. They have even brought their story to the United Nations as a “human rights violation.” I’m going to give my thoughts on this, and would enjoy hearing the thoughts of readers, as this is a topic that got me thinking and debating with myself….so weigh in so I can stop talking to myself, I look silly.

We need water to live. Life is certainly a human right, but in my opinion the right to life is not being violated unless someone is actively trying to take your life. No one is killing these people, nor are they being denied access to water. Many of them say they are buying bottled water from the Dollar Store. They are only being denied access to a service that they signed a contract agreeing to pay for. They broke the contract, they lost access to the service. That’s fairly clear cut. Now, supposing they are so poor that they cannot afford to buy bottled water either…is it then our place to step in and give them water, thus admitting that they cannot take care of even their most basic needs, like children? Perhaps, if they have no better faculties than a child, they should have their drivers licenses revoked, along with their right to vote and enter into legally binding contracts?

The US spends billions every year in humanitarian aid to developing foreign nations. Hell, after we bomb you we send care packages and help you rebuild. Should this money instead be used to provide for the American third world, AKA Detroit and places like it? If the US Government will spend all that money on foreigners, why haven’t they stepped in and paid the delinquent balances of these Detroit natives? I’m not advocating for this course of action, but it’s certainly worth pointing out.

Building and maintaining the infrastructure of a municipal water system is expensive and labor intensive. I know this for a fact, because I’ve worked in that field. I spent a year as a contract electrician for the City of Mobile Water and Sewage Department. Someone has to pay the employees and cost of materials, plus electricity etc required to get that water to homes. If 40% of residents are not paying their bills, and the water keeps coming, those who are paying on time have to carry the balance of the load, leading to constant cost increases, which is precisely what was occurring in Detroit before the shutoffs. The cost kept going up every month, to make up for those who weren’t paying. It’s not a sustainable business model, and we now see the end result. Could this be avoided by subsidies from taxes? Well, if we’re going to use tax money to give free water to some, but not others, that’s not fair to those who are paying taxes AND paying their water bill. So why not just use tax money to support the water company, and everyone gets free water? Through thought experiments such as this, it’s easy to see how Socialism comes about.

When I think of this as “my problem” I come up with lots of different solutions, all of which take personal responsibility out of the hands of the people in question. The real question becomes…”Is this our problem? Is it my problem?”

Thought experiments aside, my personal opinion is that these people need to pay their bills, as they agreed, and stop crying to the UN about their rights being violated. On a person to person basis, this is a clear cut solution. But this problem is systemic, and let’s be honest here….it’s not just a problem in Detroit. Any city that has a certain ethnic majority faces these same issues. So what is the large scale solution to this systemic problem? I’m told the poor will always be with us, and we have to deal with them. I’m open to suggestions. Since he’s the only liberal that I have any connection with, I hope Kid Strangelove will toss his thoughts in on this.

So, friends…is water a human right? What about food? Cell phones? Health Care? And how do we handle situations such as this going forward? Should we turn the water back on and let the taxpayers eat the cost, or risk the spread of disease from poor sanitation caused by lack of bathing?


-Dr. Illusion


Quick Note: I was recently banned from Twitter and had to create a new handle, you can now reach me at @GoodDktr and you can always email me at info@illusionofsanity.com. You can also reach me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/doctorillusion

A few days ago, I was at work and got a call from the Mistress. I knew something was wrong, because no one calls me while I’m working, especially her. So, with some trepidation, I answered the phone while wondering if my house was burning down. When her voice came on the line, I could tell she was in a panic.

“I’m on the side of the road, the truck went dead and it’s smoking!”

Oh, shit.

“Did it overheat? Did you see the temperature gauge spike? What was your oil pressure like before this happened?”

“I don’t think it overheated, I would have noticed, I think! I wasn’t really looking at the oil pressure! I don’t know what’s going on!”

Oh, boy. I told her to pop the hood and check her oil level. It turns out she doesn’t know how to do that. This is when I realized that a lot of this situation is my fault. I gave her a truck and never taught her how to do basic maintenance and troubleshooting. Damn.

I’m not going to bother relaying the rest of the conversation, but thankfully my friend Justin from work happened to pass by and see her on the side of the road. She said “Justin is here.” I responded with “Thank God,” hung up the phone and went back to work. Justin immediately realized the truck was overheating, poured water from his beer cooler into the reservoir, got her to crank the truck, and then put water in the radiator. While it’s tempting to be frustrated with her for not knowing what was happening, or for not paying closer attention to her gauges, the blame for this situation is ultimately on me. I should have taught her more about this vehicle.

When I got home from work, she told me “I need to know more about this truck. I don’t need to know everything about every vehicle, but I damn sure need to know about this truck if I’m going to drive it.” Truer words are rarely spoken.

This brings me to the point of this post. You need to know your shit. You don’t have to be a master mechanic, but you better know the ins and outs of your own vehicle. You don’t have to be a gunsmith, but you should know how to break down, clean and lubricate any weapon you own.

Would you carry a gun you don’t know how to use, one that you haven’t practiced with? I didn’t think so.

But your knowledge should go beyond just knowing how to use your gun, as I said earlier. The same with your vehicle, your lawn mower, your cell phone, and every other device/machine in your possession. It’s not enough to know how to work it…you need to know how it works.

As traditionally “unmanly” as this may sound….read the manual, and don’t throw the damn thing away. As my good friend Dustin once said when discussing vehicle trouble “Shit doesn’t just fail.” I asked him what he meant by that, and he responded, “While every part on your truck will eventually fail, your manual tells you when you should replace every part. It’s very uncommon, if you follow the maintenance schedule, that you will ever end up on the side of the road.” And he was completely correct.

Read the damned manual, and follow the instructions. Then put the manual in your filing cabinet, because you may need to refer to it for part numbers, instructions on replacing a particular part, etc. I know the silly trope of “Men don’t read the instructions” and “Men don’t ask for directions”and all that other silly shit. That’s just stupidity.

To give another example, I was on Craigslist a while back and noticed a guy selling a tractor for dirt cheap. It was nearly brand new, and judging by the pictures, was in great condition. So I called him up and went to check it out. He turned out to be some white collar Asian guy who didn’t know shit about his equipment. He informed me that it just wasn’t running right and he had done everything he knew to do (replaced oil filter, air filter, carb, etc). So I loaded it into my truck, brought it home, and spend $8 to fix it. I replaced the intake push-rod and set the valve lash. And guess what? It clearly states in the manual to check your valve lash every year. His loss, my gain.

A man should know how to maintain his possessions. And, to call myself out, a man should make sure his wife knows the basics of her things, as well. If you rely on things like vehicles for transportation, guns for self-defense, and mobile devices for communication…learn about them. Read the manuals, watch YouTube videos, take stuff apart and put it back together. It could save you a lot of money, headaches, and time spent on the side of the road. There is no knowledge that is not power.

-Dr. Illusion

Good googly moogly, another podcast has been published. Doctor Illusion and I break down the Michael Brown suicide by cop, ISIS beheading civilians, and Anthony Cumia’s ejection from SiriusXM Radio.

With the RSS feed in full swing there is no need to upload to Youtube anymore. Hooray!

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There are lots of voices here in the “dark underbelly of the internet.” Bloggers and commenters all sharing information and giving advice…in some cases, conflicting advice. So how does a man decide who to listen to? How to separate the wheat from the chaff?

This is a complex question, but one that needs addressing. The complicating factor is that one mans wheat may be another mans chaff. I think those seeking information and advice would have a much easier time of it if we could all see and interact with each other, instead of just reading words on a screen. If you’re looking for diet advice, it would be easy to seek out the person who has the body you want. But unless everyone starts posting pictures of themselves, you never know if the person telling you what to eat is an obese shut-in, sitting at a computer shoveling McDonalds into his mouth.

The simplest way,to choose between conflicting advice, in my opinion, is to choose between the sources.

There are a few commonly held beliefs shared by everyone in this corner of the web. The most important being: Have a mission, focus on your mission. This has been said a thousand times, and that’s still not enough. Having a mission means having life goals and going for them, sacrificing whatever you must to get where you want to be. So, assuming you know your mission, find someone who has achieved your goals or is further along the path than you are, and listen to what they have to say.

If you goals is to be a freelancer who travels the world and has location independent income, you should read Roosh, Victor Pride and Matt Forney. If you want to be rich and live the fast lane, big city lifestyle, you should read Wall Street Playboys and Danger and Play. If the ramblings of a fairly successful country boy amuse you, keep reading me.

Why am I writing about this? Because I’m as guilty as anyone of thinking my way is the only right way…and that’s not the right way of thinking.

I sometimes stumble across MGTOW sites, or read advice like “never buy a house, rent forever,” and I immediately think that’s wrong. But it’s not. It’s just wrong for me. It may be exactly right for the writer and his audience. We all have different missions and want different things out of life. I think never owning your own home sounds insane, but that’s me. If we were all always on the same page, we would never finish the book.

My friend Z and I were talking the other day about life expectations. I grew up in a large house on six acres of land, with a big pool and all that. So that became my idea of “normal.” Now I’m 28 years old, living in a nice house on five acres of land. I don’t have the big pool yet, but I’m also not satisfied yet. This is what I consider the “end game” of life. House, land, wife and a kid or two, good job, 401k, etc. Retire around the age of 50, spend my days farming, hunting, trapping, working on trucks and vacationing at the beach.

Those who grow up in trailer parks usually never leave the trailer park…unless they move to another trailer park. There are always exceptions, but the general rule holds. Hood rats live and die in the hood. White, middle class kids like me end up being middle class adults with a house and a couple kids. I like to believe that I’m completely in control of my mind and choices, but I realize more and more all the time how much I was shaped by my childhood.

So take a step back and think. Think long and hard about your mission, your life goals. Are these your goals, or your parents goals? Is this your mission, or someone else’s? Don’t let anyone convince you that you must become location independent and bang chicks in Europe. Don’t let anyone convince you that getting married and settling down is the path to true manhood, either. Decide what would make you truly happy, and pursue it. Find someone who’s doing that, and learn from them. Read all you want around the Manosphere, but don’t become a PUA, MGTOW, MRA or whatever just because everyone else is doing it. Read, learn and grow…but take it all with a grain of salt and choose your own path.

Focus on YOUR mission. Not anyone elses. Only you can decide what you want, and seek advice accordingly. Separate the wheat from the chaff according to your goals, and be careful not to internalize bullshit that won’t help you. Good luck.

-Dr. Illusion

I started this blog to share my thoughts on things and help men better themselves. I’ve gotten distracted from time to time, come down with writers block, or just been too busy to post.

To get back to the original purpose of my writing, I’m going to share some of the hardest lessons I’ve learned in my life in the hope that young men just starting out will benefit from my stupidity. It’s hard to say which mistake of my youth caused me the worst or longest lasting trouble, so I’ll start out with the ones I’m still dealing with today.


Don’t Finance Anything or Borrow Money

When I was around 20, I was making decent money as an electrical apprentice. $15/hr seemed like a whole lot of money, anyway. So I decided I had to have some nice things. I got a $600 Best Buy credit card and bought a nice laptop. I financed a $6,000 motorcycle. I got another credit card. Yeah, I was an idiot.

When things started to get on top of me because I was blowing lots of cash on partying and I couldn’t make my credit card payments, I borrowed $3,000 to pay off my cards and consolidate my debt. I said I wouldn’t use my cards anymore. That lasted until I was throwing a big house party and needed money for more alcohol.

To make a long story short, the economy tanked around ’09 and I was in the construction industry. When the economy goes to shit, people stop building things. I got laid off, along with hundreds of others in my area. I though I would always have a great job and keep getting raises, and I was proven very wrong.

The bike got repossessed. I could barely make the minimum payments on my loans and credit cards between unemployment ($325/wk) and small cash jobs I could find. It sucked. I finally couldn’t pay any of my debt if I wanted to keep a roof over my head. This lasted for 6 months. By the end of that period, my credit was royally screwed and my debts had been turned over to collection agencies.

I’m still paying on some of that debt today. My credit score is just above 600. It’s very difficult to get any kind of loan. I’ve paid off most of the debts in collections, but I still owe $8,000 to one company that bought up a lot of my small debts on top of what I still owed on my bike. This is 5 years later. Think very, very hard before you swipe a credit card or finance a car/house. You may be doing great now, but the bottom could drop out at any moment. Wait until you are at least 25 before you start financing things, I know I wasn’t mature enough to handle it before then.


Be Careful Who You Surround Yourself With

As I mentioned earlier, I was quite the party animal in my younger years. I made more than most of my friends and had my own place outside town, so every weekend was a huge party at my place. During one of these parties, I turned down a female for sex. She then tried to sleep with a friend of mine, who also turned her down. She got extremely pissed and went nuts, and I slapped the hell out of her and told her to leave.

I was arrested for rape the next day. $25,000 bail. I bailed out and didn’t hear anything else about it for years until I was subpoenaed almost 3 years later to appear in court. $10,000 for a good lawyer. I couldn’t live anywhere that did background checks because I had a sex crime pending. I had to get a waiver at jobs that did background checks, with the agreement that if I were found guilty I was fired.

Of course the case was thrown out and I was acquitted, but it’s amazing how much trouble you can find yourself in if you let the wrong people into your life.

In addition to the horrible incident above, would you believe that all those people who partied with me were nowhere to be found when my money ran out? Shocking, I know. Keep your pool of friends small, and make sure they are real friends who add value to your life, not leeches who are out for all you can give.


Use Protection, No Matter What She Says


I never wanted kids. I had no intention of ever reproducing.

Then, one night, after a whole day of drinking/bar hopping with my best friend and my cousin, I came home to find a cute blonde sitting on my porch in a miniskirt. She apparently wanted to talk to me and figured I would be home soon. I was nearly blackout drunk and didn’t even think about protection. My son turned 6 last month.

While I love my kid and there’s a lot to say for Fatherhood, you don’t want your child’s mother to be some random chick you banged while drunk. I speak from experience. She now has another kid from another man, no one is sure who the father is, and he doesn’t pay her a dime…but I shell out $500/month in child support. She lives with her parents and will never make anything of herself.

That mistake leads to my next big one….

Don’t Get Married


Yes, I’m a country boy. I did “the right thing” and got married. If you want to get married and find a great girl, that’s awesome. But I offer the same advice as earlier….at least wait until you are 25. At the very least. I don’t care how mature you think you are, you’re an idiot until your mid-late 20’s. I wish I could go back and smack myself in the face for the idiotic decisions I made between 18 and 25.

And last but not least…

Obey All Traffic Laws


It sounds like a small thing, maybe even a silly thing. But a few minor traffic tickets can make your life Hell.

I started driving when I was 14 (motorcycle). I had 2 tickets by the time I was 16, which is when I got my first truck. Most of my friend’s parents couldn’t afford to buy them vehicles, so I drove everyone around all the time. Like any idiotic teenager, I had a tendency to show off/act like a fool. Get a ticket, go to court, my parents pay the ticket, whatever.

I turned 21 and got a DUI. I lost my license for a year. The day I got it back, I got another DUI. I’m about to turn 28 and I still don’t have a drivers license. I can get it back next year, but I have a take the damn drivers test again. It’s rally embarrassing to be taking your drivers test at the age of 28. That’s not to mention the cost of insurance. Luckily most of my tickets from when I was young and dumb have fallen off my record.

I know you speed all the time and never get caught, and all that rot. Just take my advice and stop before you regret it. My co-workers give me Hell all the time for doing the speed limit, as they pass me blowing their horns. But you never see me on the side of the road with flashing blue lights behind me.

Use Your Head

All these things seem like common sense, but common sense if fairly uncommon when it comes to young men. Young men are thinking about women, parties and impressing people.

Think before you act, look before you leap and all that stuff. You actions can have an impact on your life 5, even 10 years down the road. Always consider the consequences of your decisions.

-Dr. Illusoin