Well, it’s day 6 of my long work grind. When I get off in the morning I will have put in 73 hours since Monday. And I’ve been hitting the gym before or after my shift. It’s been fun so far.
I received many and varied responses to my feedback request, and I’m going to attempt to address a few of them.
More than one of you wanted to hear my views on having children. I have a son who just turned five, so I have a bit of experience in this area.
Should you have kids? That’s a tough question. Society has changed a great deal over the last century or so. Each generation becomes more narcissistic than the last. Families used to be very tightly knit and supported each other, and not just the nuclear family. My family is still like that, at least on my Mother’s side. Without my family, I would never have been able to handle being a Father.
If you are as self involved and as busy as myself, and you don’t have an extensive support group or a stay-at-home wife who would make a great Mother, I don’t recommend having children.
I’ve always been a workaholic. My ex-wife was a stay at home, but she was (and still is) extremely lazy and unambitious. I worked 12 hours a day, then came home, cooked, cleaned dishes, picked up toys and did laundry. She generally slept in till noon and watched TV when she woke up. My Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents and other family members would come to my house and take my son back to their house because my ex just wanted him to be quiet and sit in front of the TV while she slept or sat her lazy ass on the couch. A boy needs to be active, engaged and outdoors as much as possible.
As I said, if it weren’t for my family I wouldn’t have made it as a Dad. My son still lives in my hometown, about 600 miles from me. We didn’t have a custody battle or anything because I know I cannot raise him while working 80-90 hour weeks. He spends all his time with me family. My ex keeps him 2 nights a week, and she’s had another kid since I left. No one knows who the Father is, including her I believe. I send child support to my Mother, along with paying for his education (he’s been in private Christian school since he was 3).
If you do have a great woman in your life who wants kids and is willing to stay home and raise them properly, go for it. If you can afford it.
That brings us to another aspect of the kid question. Money. Children are expensive. Clothing, doctor visits, toys, formula, baby food, furniture, the list goes on and on. If you’re lucky you can get a lot of this for free as hand-me-downs, but it’s still expensive being a parent. If you don’t make at least 50k a year, I don’t recommend reproducing. I always felt sorry for the poor kids I went to school with, living in trailers or crappy apartments, ashamed to invite friends to stay the night, having to be in the free lunch program. Don’t do that to a kid.
I never intended to have children, because I knew I was too self involved for it. I was drunk and didn’t use protection ONE FREAKING TIME and now here I am. Apparently I was meant to reproduce.
Men, here’s another thing. We have serious, logical and goal oriented minds. Until your child is old enough to communicate and at least somewhat behave logically, you will not be able to relate to your child or really enjoy spending time with him/her. You will pretend, you will talk about how much you love your kid and all that rot, but it’s mostly for show. Babies are loud, smelly, constantly excreting bodily fluids and generally difficult for a man to handle. Women are much better at nurturing and caring for babies. Some may disagree with this, but this has been my experience when men are honest with me about their kids.
In the end, it’s your call. Just remember, you are mixing your genes with a woman’s genes to create a human being. Choose wisely. Find a responsible, nurturing, maternal type woman who has traits you would like to see in your descendants. And make sure you pick one who isn’t going to leave you and take your child out of your life. Heed these words.
Flaming Man of Iron had a laundry list of topics to discuss, and I’ll touch on a few.
First off, quitting porn. Quitting porn is like quitting anything else. You make up your mind that you aren’t going to watch it anymore, and you follow through. Within a week or two you won’t even think about it. Habits are as easily broken as they are made, if you have the discipline. I speak from experience, as a former cocaine addict. If I can break that addiction cold turkey, you can quit porn.
Avoiding processed food is another one that is simpler than you might think. A common and cheap meal at my house is a whole chicken, roasted in the oven with carrots, potatoes, onions and any other vegetable you want to throw in there. I add a glass of white wine and some olive oil. A whole chicken is around 5 bucks and will feed several people, along with the veggies. Obviously this is done in a deep baking dish with a lid. Steak fried rice is another favorite of mine, just buy a cheap cut of steak and slice it up, cook some rice and let it sit in the fridge overnight, toss in a pan with some onions, bell peppers and other veggies. Cheap and filling, feeds several people.
The key to avoiding processed food is never buying anything that comes in a cardboard box. We buy meat, rice, fruit, vegetables, nuts and other whole foods only. We even make our own ketchup and other condiments, since the commercial varieties are full of corn syrup and other crap you don’t want to ingest. You could always raise rabbits, also. Then you know exactly where your meat is coming from.
The last point I will address tonight is how to maintain frame daily, at work and home.
I’ve never really had an issue with this, since I’m an all-around cocky bastard. My first piece of advice would be listening to empowering music. King of the World by Porcelain, Trenches by Pop Evil, Droppin’ Plates by Disturbed…anything that gets you in that “I’m a bad son of a bitch” mindset. Walk around with this kind of stuff playing in your head all day. Lift weights, as this will make you feel more powerful throughout the day. Be an expert on several subject, so you can always dominate a conversation if need be.
Posture is everything. Your body language affects how others see you, and how you see yourself. I did a post on this a while back. Keep your back straight, chest out, chin up and eyes ahead. Don’t look at the ground. Keep your shoulders squared. Also, never mumble or speak in a timid manner. Speak clearly and confidently. Never give half-assed answers. “Yes” or “No” when asked a question. Think about these things, internalize these things, make them habits. Build good habits as you break your bad habits, such as porn.
That’s it for tonight. Keep the suggestions coming. Assuming things are slow again Sunday night, I will post again and address some more topics and questions. Since there is nothing going on, I’m about to sneak out to the gym and pump some iron. I worked on my shoulders and arms before my shift started, I think I’ll hit the core tonight. There’s nothing quite liking getting paid 40 bucks an hour to work out.
Consider the next week or so to be kind of an AMA (Ask Me Anything) if there’s anything you guys want to know about me or just have a random question. Keep the feedback coming.
Y’all have a great night.