Here we go.
My first post. I rather wish it was something a bit more profound…
This is a topic that I am sure has been discussed before, but I’m feeling…annoyed. Tired. Irritated. Pissed the hell off.
I cannot understand why.
I cannot understand why women bitch and moan about a “douche bag” of a man but continue to try and try and stay with them because they “know he can change.”
This isn’t all women, mind you. But some of the smartest ones are holding on to that tiny shred of stupidity.
I will share a bit of my recent experience with this.
So I met a woman recently who seemed very interesting and highly intelligent. I had recently dropped completely out of the dating scene, deciding not to try and meet anyone else when I met this one. I shall refer to her as Subject 7. Why? Because I want to.
Anyway, I met her at her place of employment. I became fascinated with her and found myself stopping by her workplace just to talk to her. This went on for about two weeks. Finally I decided to give this whole meeting someone deal another go and I asked if she was single.
Her answer was no.
“Ah, bummer.”
“Yeah, tell me about it,” she said with an exasperated sigh. This caught my attention. I got curious. But as far as I was concerned the whole thing was finished. I wasn’t going to pursue anything.
I had just gotten off work after a sixteen hour shift, so I went straight home after talking to her. It wasn’t until I was home that I realized she had slipped me her phone number. I never asked for it. I was surprised, to say the least but I went on to bed.
The next day while at a class for my job I decided to send her a text message. She responded by saying that she didn’t think I was going to text. Honestly I had considered not sending one for reasons of morality. Anyway we chatted a bit and I finally got around to asking what she meant.
And from there she told me about this douche bag of a guy that she was dating. She had moved to [EDIT] to be with him (she’s from another state in the Northern part of the U.S.) and so far, after a year of being with him, he had refused to meet her halfway. She was getting to where she had had enough of it.
Well I thought perhaps fortune was smiling on me finally, so I decided to continue talking with her.
Well, before I knew it…I was beginning to realize that she thought of me as a Beta.
I’m aware this is all rather vague, but I am tired, hung-over, and sick of thinking about it so I’m just hurrying through the whole thing to say what I’m about to say.
Last week I discovered that she had moved to [EDIT], closer to her job. She had been living in [EDIT] before that. Well I thought that was cool and whatnot. Closer to her job and closer to my house. Maybe we could start hanging out.
Until she told me yesterday that her boyfriend had talked to her about living with him and she had decided to do it. To continue to try, to give him another chance.
I haven’t stated here everything that she told me, but when she told me that…I lost it.
Like, literally lost it.
I exploded and lost my temper. I am not proud of that, but I had to let her know that I’m not some shoulder for the universe to cry on and that I’m not some weak little Beta that is content with being caught in the friend-zone. I told her exactly why I started talking to her and that I choose to be a nice guy because I feel that people deserve to be respected. I can be a dickhead, and I’m actually pretty damn good at it. And I showed her last night and for the better part of today just how good at it I am.
But she pissed me off. She led me on and on, constantly hinting that she was about to leave her boyfriend for something better. Now, I’ve had multiple failed relationships because of the fact that I come across as a weak guy that can be easily walked on and treated like dirt. They always seem to fail when I reveal just how not-weak I am. I choose to be the way I am because I don’t like to be a dick. Because I see in this world too many women being tricked into relationships with douche bags who end up developing Stockholm Syndrome and thinking they love these bastards.
Is it wrong of me to believe they deserve better? I don’t think so. I believe that some women like being treated like shit, but I also believe that there are some out there that don’t and don’t deserve the shit they take. Subject 7 is one of these, but she made a big mistake in doing to me what she did.
I will not be friend-zoned. Not now. Not ever. I am sick of being treated like the guy whose shoulder women can cry on. I am sick of being the one they flock to and bitch to about the shit in their lives.
Well guess what, Honey? Life is shit. Everyone has their fair share of problems, including me. But do I bitch about them to you? Do I cry and moan “oh woe is me?” If you have a problem with the way things are going in your life, change it! It’s not that difficult. All it takes is a little bit of effort on your part. If you’re with a douchebag of a guy that treats you like shit, then just end it. Don’t prolong your suffering. Don’t drag a random stranger into your drama and expect him to save you.
Don’t expect me to save you. I’m not your own personal fucking Superman. And don’t wonder to me why I’m suddenly pissed off at you. Of course I’m pissed! I’m pissed at myself for falling for this stupid shit. I’m pissed at myself for considering being a dickhead to women from now on. That’s not who or what I am, but I’m seriously thinking that’s what I’ll have to become in order for a woman to be attracted to me.
I’m sick of being asked for advice and then that advice being ignored. I take some pleasure from the fact that she does now realize that I’m not to be fucked with. “Beware the fury of the calm man.” I am laid back, quiet, and calm. But that’s because when my sanity is pushed and prodded, I snap and become a raging inferno. I’ve done well to keep it in check, but bitch…Don’t you fuck with my emotions.
I apologize for the lack of…well, significance to this post. It is basically a rant and I realize that, especially with the vulgarity I have included. It could have been much worse had I typed this up last night while I was binge-drinking.
Bear in mind that I am not a big drinker and that I was beyond pissed last night. I have recovered somewhat today and as I type this I realize that it is just another cliché woman-problem post. However…I feel that it needs to be said that there are millions of women out there with undiagnosed cases of Stockholm Syndrome. I mean, seriously. Why the hell else would they constantly subject themselves to the tortures of being in abusive relationships?
Individual Lies
Dr. Illusion: Welcome aboard, Individual Lies. Your true journey to Alpha starts….now.
Please read this and send her a link to it. It sums things up nicely. My man Ace is brilliant. 100 Words of Hate
Better to get it out than to hold it in.
Definitely a good thing for me, since I’vd been a little short on inspiration lately and my boy IL nailed it with this post. I haven’t poured this kind of emotion into one of my posts since….maybe when my son refused to see me on Thanksgiving? The blog needed a fresh voice.
So I’m learning. I’m too used to holding things in. I suppose it is carry-over from being a child and being constantly told to keep things to myself.
Welcome aboard, brother. Nice to see you finally posting, though sorry about the situation that drove you to it.
First off…..Whenever our schedules line up: My house, steaks on the grill, bonfire and beer. Dr’s Orders. We have some talking to do.
You got used as an emotional tampon, a common use of the beta male, perceived or true beta. You gave her validation, compliments, and feel good. He gave her the cold shoulder and lots of cock. I think you can see who came out the winner in this deal. It wasn’t you. You were probably more emotionally invested than he has ever been.
You don’t have to be a dickhead to chicks to be successful. You just have to care a lot less than they do. You should re-watch my video on Nice Guys and do a little research on “Amused Mastery”. Women should be treated like silly children. We find them amusing because they are not on our level. Period.
Being a dick does work, but you will get all the wrong type of chick. If you are just looking for one night stands, go for the Dark Triad dickhead game. If you are looking for a relationship, stick with Amused Mastery.
-Dr. Illusion
Thanks, Doc. I’ve been wanting to post SOMETHING on here, but my thoughts have been unusually chaotic as of late. Until, well, this crap. Anyway, I shall follow the Dr’s orders. I have a long road ahead of me and I see it clearly. I only wish I had accepted sooner that I was not where I’d thought I was. That will change.
As for being emotionally invested, it could have been worse. I kept my distance. I was wary enough for that. I mainly was pissed with myself for allowing myself to be tricked/used again. I seem to be a glutton for punishment. And I am having difficulties logging in.
Good to finally see you on here, sir. I’m quite elated to hear that it’s all starting to sink in for you.
If you haven’t already, take a look at Illusion’s latest post just below your own. It might help to make a little more sense out of your situation. But aside from that, as has been discussed on here before, women love a good challenge. They look for guys that they know don’t give a **** about them as humans just so that they can shape and mold them to their own liking, until those men are practically waiting on them hand & foot and constantly tailing them like little puppies. Then they grow tired of the guy because he’s no longer a challenge.
And as Illusion has said, you definitely need to come by soon so we can discuss it all a bit more extensively.
I’m all for a good discussion. And yes, I wish it had sunk in sooner. But alas, we live and learn. As I mentioned in my comment above, I have a difficult time stilling my thoughts long enough to jot them down. To amuse myself I tend to look back at my journal and laugh at the incoherence. I fully intend to post more, and I can assure everyone that my future posts will not be anything like this one. They shall be far more structured and pertain to what I consider more important topics.
First. Congrats on coming to this part of the internet. You’ll find answers, challenges, and growth.
With that out of the way, you have a TON of contradictions to yourself here, and they’re really messing up your relationships with women as well as leading you to be insanely frustrated and bitter. This is not an attack, just pointing stuff out that I’m seeing, allowing you to think about it for yourself, and either take or reject my advice on it as either good or bullshit. Take what you will.
Down the rabbit hole
You claim this:
“She led me on and on, constantly hinting that she was about to leave her boyfriend for something better.”
And that you won’t take this:
“I will not be friend-zoned. Not now. Not ever. I am sick of being treated like the guy whose shoulder women can cry on. I am sick of being the one they flock to and bitch to about the shit in their lives.”
But you started with this:
“Anyway, I met her at her place of employment. I became fascinated with her and found myself stopping by her workplace just to talk to her. This went on for about two weeks.”
That’s two weeks of you establishing that all you want to do is talk. That you’re a talker. That she can talk to you. That you aren’t hitting on her, making a move, acting sexually.
You…. just talk.
Then you expect her not to friendzone you bro?
If you want women to view you as a man, and not in the friendzone, then you have to live your life like you’re swinging your cock around without any care about who it hits. It’s not that you’re an asshole, it’s that you’re sexual
If they see you as sexual, they won’t friendzone you. They’ll know that if they spend time with you, they’re going to get hit on and you’re going to make moves on them. Then they’ll either chose to spend time with you or they won’t.
But you won’t have to put up with their bullshit.
There were two chances you had in this story to get the girl. The first I pointed out, is when you met her. The second is when she gave you her number and you let her talk about her boyfriend. Never let them talk about a man that isn’t you. NEVER. I’ve reached over and slapped women playfully (ie – just tapping her cheek) and told her to shut the hell up because I didn’t care. Because I didn’t care about her personal bullshit or the guys she was with before. Do it gently and look into her eyes. It works wonders.
“Is it wrong of me to believe they deserve better? I don’t think so. I believe that some women like being treated like shit, but I also believe that there are some out there that don’t and don’t deserve the shit they take.”
vs
“Don’t expect me to save you. I’m not your own personal fucking Superman”
Dude. You posture that they deserve better. You believe it and act on it. You are acting like you think you’re a hero and can save them from themselves and from their horrible boyfriends.
Everyone on this planet deserves every damn thing that comes from a free choice they make. Women that have chosen to be with those guys deserve the consequences – you are not paid in money or sex to save them and you never will be unless you’re a police officer responding to domestic abuse calls or a psychiatrist. Otherwise, let the women reap what they sow and stop believing they shouldn’t deserve when you likely believe a man would.
“And don’t wonder to me why I’m suddenly pissed off at you. ”
Of course she’s confused. You’re acting in different roles to her, switching from one to the other. You destroy the image of yourself that you’ve shown to her and then expect her to trust this ‘suddenly new you’ instantly? Not how it works man.
“I’m pissed at myself for falling for this stupid shit”
Turn it into a vehicle for change. Don’t fall into the easy trap of being an asshole – it will get you women but likely nothing else you want in life. Simply swing your dick around, hit a couple bitches with it if they’re too stupid to notice you’re a man with a cock.
“Beware the fury of the calm man.”
With modern police and laws they only need to beware of you if you exude actual masculinity – the swinging your cock around thing. If you act like a neutered, tame horse made for easy riding instead of the stunning stallion they want to break in and never will…. they’ll treat you that way.
“I apologize for the lack of…well, significance to this post.”
There’s a ton of significance to it. It’s all related to you, but these are the things most men deal with. I’ve gone through a ton of this shit and heard almost everything I’m saying to you from others – it took awhile to internalize it.
Don’t get discouraged. Just open your eyes and your mind to the possibility of change and you’ll be sure to find yourself and your own way of being a man.
Yes, I was aware of the contradictions. Unfortunately, it was only after the fact and when I was looking back on all that had occured. I did this to myself and I will not be discouraged. I have been on the right path for a while, but I have been taking too long to reach my destination. Well, now I am picking up the pace. I will take any and all advice and observations I receive. I will take the good with the bad. There is a lot of history of myself that I will most likely never reveal, but it is important to know that there are factors that influence who I am that have been holding me for years. I will one day completely break free of them, but I have been on the road to recovery for a short time now. I am still in my, for lack of a better word, infancy. I appreciate your observations and advice.
Haha.. all good bro. Your story reminded me of a painful time a woman used me and led me on just like this – I had been more sexual but hadn’t escalated fast enough and she landed some boyfriend when her dad kicked her ass out of the house.
Learned the next morning (after a drunk night of being told no) about the boyfriend where I thought she was single. Apparently she was afraid he was literally going to kill someone, wanted a ‘safe place’, some wine, and blah blah blah.
All this after 6 months of working on this kind of shit.
Growth always needs to happen. And the best of us fall back into bad habits occasionally. It’s a painful journey sometimes, but has been a blast overall.
Fucking great comments. The distillation of a lot of learning and growing.
Good post IL and welcome aboard our little misogynistic corner of the web. No offense Mistress, you’re good with me.
Thank you, BP. Glad to be here.
Everytime I see Bill Powell abbreviated as BP I immediately think “Big Pimpin’”.
Welcome to the blog sir…it’s good to have another poster so the Doc isn’t constantly looking to me to take up the slack when he is lacking his writing …lol….
Anyways, I gotta say your post really touched a nerve of mine because I’ve been in the exact place you are…I know how much that shit sucks. I’ve been on a personal journey of sorts in the past six months and thought I was above things like this, but just as short as about a month ago I had to break one of these…”relationships”…after over a year of attempting to be the one to break the mold. (Oh man, yeah, I’m so awesome, I’m gonna be the one to come out on top of this one!) Psh. I was only fooling myself.
I was head over heels for this girl who was in a relationship that showed me a lot of interest when her boyfriend (now husband…lol) wasn’t around. She tried to use me to acquire things like drugs or certain other connections I have but I had no interest in helping her with that unless I got something in return…simply because I was at least smart enough to draw the line there. I knew that us having drinks together or her flirty text messages with me were one thing but assisting in those kind of activities was not worth the possible trouble when there was no good betting odds I would receive something in return like sex… I did find myself very worked up over this girl upon many occasions (usually when alcohol was in my system, hooray for the soul crushing depressant that it can be.)
Re-reading that last paragraph was an absolute clusterfuck, my apologies. Clusterfuck events in my life usually get written out as such.
But I come with good news. As I said, I have been on a journey the last few months to change who I am. Just ask the Doc about me before me and him started hanging out on a regular basis. I used to be a very weak individual…mentally, physically, everything… just a being going through the motions of this life and not caring about anything. No passions. Pretty much depressed. Terrible with women and terrified of them. Working a job I hated and even thought suicide would be an easier answer than the life I was tortured in. Nowadays though, I work a job I absolutely love…I work out 4-5 times a week doing Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (I’m actually losing weight and gaining muscle for the first time in my life at the age of 24)…my confidence grows stronger by the day and everything else just keeps falling in line. No longer will I ever let a woman like you described here torture me again. I’m sorry sweetie, but if you don’t see the party I’m bringing to this reality and don’t want to partake, that’s absolutely fine. Be miserable where you are because I’m gonna be fucking awesome.
The chick you are talking about in this comment….was it one of the ones we called the other night when we were nine kinds of fucked up?
And it’s not like me asking you to pick up my slack ever accomplishes anything. Slacker.
Nah, luckily I cut that chick outta my life completely after I realized I was fucking up about two months ago.
Thanks for the welcome, FTCT. Awesome name by the way. I’ve had many failed relationships. Some due to decisions I made that turned out to be mistakes, but seemed like the right thing to do at the time. Some have been due to similar situations as what recently happened, which was a big part of the reason for me to drop out of the dating scene altogether. Hindsight, as they say, is 20/20. Looking back I should have kept to myself and kept my focus where it needed to be. Boobs are perhaps my greatest weakness.
It will not happen again and as I mentioned above, I will start posting more when I can. My internet access is lacking, as I can only get online while at work. I am working to change that, and hope to be on here much more.
I never did any favors for Subject A, but I did give advice. Which was my downfall, as I often prone to giving out advice when asked of it. It is reflexive at this point. I was known at one point in my life as Mr. Advice-Guy, because so many people came to me for advice. I never minded giving it out, and still don’t. But I shall exercise caution from here on out.
What a clusterfuck.
You hit on a girl with a boyfriend (like a douchebag), run some hardcore beta game on her for a few weeks, then get all self-righteous when the boyfriend is able to out-douchebag you.
I hear what you’re saying, but it does not apply here.
Oh yes, it is a clusterfuck.
I asked if she was single, I do not necessarily consider that hitting on her. But I suppose it could be viewed as such.
I’ve left many details out of my post, but it was not as hardcore as you would assume. If you knew me, you’d know I’m rather sarcastic in person and that was the majority of our conversations. But yes, ultimately he did out-douchebag me.
How can you hear what I’m saying if none of this is verbal?
Hitting on her in the sense that you were pursuing a sexual relationship of some kind with her, knowing full well that she was not single.
Hardcore beta game in the sense that you spent your time chatting with her about said boyfriend with the intent of weaselling your way into her heart (and/or pants) as someone better than the douchebag she was currently with.
As to your final point, please tell me you have Asperger’s.
If not, you have crossed the line into the realms of horrendously bad comedy, and I fear I have lost all ability to take you seriously.
As I said I have left a lot out of the post. About 1.5% of our conversations was about her and her boyfriend.
Is that so?
Mission accomplished.
I do have a bad sense of humor. As for whether or not I have Asperger’s…I honestly don’t know. Thanks for being the second person ever to ask me that.
That explain a lot, IL.
As for this one, realize that you approached a bad situation from a bad angle, and learn from that.
You’re being quite obtuse about the whole thing.
(See that? Don’t do that. Ever.)
“there are millions of women out there with undiagnosed cases of Stockholm Syndrome. I mean, seriously. Why the hell else would they constantly subject themselves to the tortures of being in abusive relationships?” there’s not just women… i think most of them are males indeed, someone name it “codependency”
http://therawness.com/reader-letters-1-part-1/
I can agree. After reading the article…well, that guy sounds a lot like me. Having to shoulder responsibilities at an early age, having to be emotional support for parents who should have been supporting me emotionally. Never seeming to be able to please either one of them no matter what I did.
It’s funny though…My therapist never mentioned anything to me about stuff like that influencing who I am today. Though it probably should have been quite obvious. Even so, I think I’m going to go get my money back.
I see I am a little late to the party over here. Let me be the next to welcome you to this little (but growing) corner of the Sphere. I don’t really have anything to add, but look forward to your future writings and the discussions that follow.