I was reading a post over at The Private Man a while back about adaptability. In the comments section, a discussion developed about introverts and whether or not they could change and become more extroverted. I’m not here to talk about introverts, but it did get me thinking. The introverts in the comments section kept talking about how impossible it was to get laid as an introvert. Well, I have a confession to make.
I suffer from nearly crippling Agoraphobia.
Lots of people think agoraphobia is a fear of being outside your house. This is not the case, although extreme cases can manifest in this way.
From Wikipedia: Agoraphobia is a condition where the sufferer becomes anxious in environments that are unfamiliar or where he or she perceives that they have little control.
In my particular case, I cannot deal with things like supermarkets, malls, the DMV or any situation where I have to come into contact with what I like to refer to as the seething masses of humanity.
I am unable to function in any situation where I am not in control, that I cannot easily escape from or where I do not understand the people or the rules that govern them. Mistress and I were dating for over a year before I finally assented to attending a gathering of her family. I knew I would not be comfortable, and I knew they would hate me. I was correct on both counts and it would have been better had I never met them, but she really wanted me to. I am sure she regrets it to this day. I was uncomfortable, I was surrounded by people that I did not understand (democratic liberals) and she drove so I was unable to escape. It’s shocking that I made it through without a panic attack.
I have been without a driver’s license for 5 years. I have been eligible to get it back for over a month now, but I have not done so. It would be wonderful to be able to drive my trucks and buy another motorcycle and go riding like I used to. What stops me from getting my license? My fear of the DMV. I have attempted to go there and handle things 3 times now, and each time I panic when we pull into the parking lot and tell Mistress to take me home. The mere thought of waiting for hours, elbow to elbow with the scum of our society, unnerves me to the point that I cannot bring myself to do it.
When I am forced to do things like go to the supermarket (I have to go to buy alcohol. Mistress is not old enough) it ruins my day. While there, I am very short tempered and if forced to speak I actually stutter and my thoughts scatter. Before Mistress came along, when I attempted to go shopping alone I would often have a panic attack and leave my cart full of groceries where it was and run for the door.
I imagine some readers will think this issue discounts my Alpha cred. Such is life. I am not afraid to leave my home. Going to a bar does not bother me, as long as the bar has a pool table. Once again, agoraphobia is fear of being in a situation over which you have no control. I am a very skilled billiards player, and I quickly take control as long as I can play. It relaxes me and allows me to interact with confidence. I never go to a bar without a pool table.
I can still go to parties. I have the ability to take command of a room or a group with ease. I’m very well spoken and confident, so commanding the attention of a crowd comes easily. However, if I show up at a party or gather where I don’t know anyone, it takes me a while to get a grasp of the dynamics and personalities at play before I take command. But I can still cope.
According to Wikipedia, twice more women than men suffer from this disorder. The gender difference may be attributable to several factors: social-cultural traditions that encourage, or permit, the greater expression of avoidant coping strategies by women (including dependent and helpless behaviors); women perhaps being more likely to seek help and therefore be diagnosed; men being more likely to abuse alcohol in reaction to anxiety and be diagnosed as an alcoholic.
I thought that little tidbit was rather interesting. I first manifested this disorder around the age of 19 or 20. Around the same time I became an alcoholic. Before that, I used cocaine and ecstasy on a regular basis. I got off the drugs and straightened my life out, then suddenly I found I could not cope with many situations (shopping, post office, DMV, etc.) Once the anxiety attack drove me away from the situation, I would drink to calm myself down. Otherwise I would continue to be freaked out for a long time. Thus was an alcoholic born.
Does this affect my Game? No, it does not. I bring this up because of all the Introverts over at Private Man claiming it is impossible to get laid as an introvert. I’m fairly sure my problem is equal to being introverted, so if I can still pull women, so can you.
Sorry if this was a bit random and odd, but as I have mentioned before….this blog is my outlet and this was on my mind. I want my readers to know as much about me as possible, so they understand the things that have shaped me and understand the man from whom the words flow.